Saturday, December 4, 2010

2 more?

Since we first decided we were "done" after the miscarriage in 2007, I almost feel annoyed when yet another once of my friends or family members gets pregnant. Especially if they have also said they were done. Of course this feeling is completely irrational, nevertheless it is there.

I think part of the reason for these feelings, is that I don't feel like we're done either. But there are so many reasons NOT to have another baby.
-Babies are expensive
-We're moving to Holland, and our car won't fit a 6th person
-I'm finally at my goal weight now. Getting pregnant will mean yet another 2 years of "not being myself"
-Babies turn into kids, and kids are expensive
-I got rid of all the baby clothes and furniture, and will have to buy it all over again.

All of these reasons are selfish reasons. And despite these reasons, I truly feel that our family isn't complete, and longingly watch large families.

Another reason we haven't had more kids up to now; Joe is done. Or at least he was until a few days ago. When I told him AGAIN, in a sweet voice, that I thought we should make 2 more babies, he rolled his eyes and said: "just get them out at the same time". If having twins was a choice, I'd probably make that choice. But since fertility drugs have a lot of serious negative side effects, I'll have just take whatever I get.

The very next day after Joe gave me the reluctant "fine", I called the doctor and scheduled to get the IUD (birth control) taken out. I was surprised at my nerves as I was waiting on the doctor's table. Butterflies all up in my stomach. They weren't there for the procedure, because its very uneventful. I guess the butterflies were there, because I realized that I was making a life changing decision.

5 kids is a lot more than 3 kids. Why have 2 more instead of 1? My parents had 3 children close together (like me), and then waited a long 7 years to have their last one (Emma). I always swore I would never do this, since Emma essentially grew up as an only child. By the time our next baby can come, Ginger will be 6. I think once she was 3, I felt like the gap was too big, and we had to be done. However, my friend Tracey had 2 boys, a five year gap, and then another 2 boys, and it's just fine!

Now that the decision is made, the planning starts.

How long do we wait until my body is ready? The miscarriage is still very much on my mind. I contribute it to the fact that we got pregnant the first month after the IUD removal. One of the things the IUD does, is to make the lining of the uterus thinner. This, in combination with hormones is what prevents pregnancy. If you take the hormones away, you still have a thin lining. Pregnancy is possible, but the body isn't quite ready for a fetus.

When do we want to have this baby? Our Dutch health insurance will cover all the expenses of a birth. But we don't want to have a baby in the middle of Joe's school year either. So in a perfect world we'd have the baby in the middle of December. After finals, before we move out of Holland (if we can't find a job there). Of course we all know that we don't live in a perfect world...


Maddy S said...

I totally understand what you are thinking and all those butterflies. I think for me I would never be done since I love newborns so much but truly like you said they grow up. I too say I am done however I would like more but I really do think that's ever going to happen for many other reasons. Anyway, I never really thought the IUD could cause problems but I too was pregnant 2 weeks after removal and I did have problems with my pregnancy where they told me I might miscarry. There was a tear in the placenta so I am not sure if that was related to the IUD or not. Thankfully all was well in the end and I did have my beautiful girl.
Best wishes and I think it's just wonderful news. A sacrifice but so worth it. Lots of love.

Majo said...

I agree about the perfect world: you would have another baby before you moved out of Holland, so I get to hold and cuddle it :)

Nancy Sabina said...

Very exciting! Good luck! I know the stress of a previous miscarriage is no fun.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! This is so exciting! And brave while moving to Holland. I have to say we still enjoy our decision to move to Holland very much.
Let me know if you need any help!

Renee' P said...

Good luck with everything! I hope it all turns out the way you want it to and I pray that you'll have a successful pg this next time!

The Editor said...

As the mother of nine amazing children, I join you in your vote for a large family. Of course, it's difficult, but it's also divine to have your own self contained universe populated by people with the closest bond imaginable. You and Joe have such gorgeous, smart and wonderful children that it will be a gift to the world to contribute more! All the best to you and I hope it works out for you.

angela michelle said...

Yikes, I see I'm VERY behind on your blog. I had the sense you were rethinking, but I didn't know the plan was in action. Very exciting!

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