Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I don't want to do this again! Yesterday I went for my 8 week ultrasound. As soon as the tech lady looked at the uterus, she asked whether I was sure about my timing. The fetus was measuring 6 weeks, even though I am 8 weeks + a few days. Also, the heartbeat seemed VERY slow for a fetus. Almost as slow as my own heartbeat. The only 2 options are:

1. My dates are off, and I really am 6 weeks pregnant. This doesn't make sense since I got a positive pregnancy test almost 4 weeks ago. That means I would have gotten a BFP 3 days after conception.

2. Something is wrong with the baby, and it's developing slower than it should.

The hardest thing for me is the not knowing, and the waiting. I'd rather know for sure that this will be a miscarriage, so I can mentally prepare. Instead, I have to wait 2 weeks for another ultrasound, and then it will become clear which option is happening. The hard part is, that I am likely to get my hopes up, just to have them dashed later.

What is wrong with me? I never had problems carrying babies to term. I had 3 normal pregnancies, with 3 babies. Now this is the second problematic pregnancy in a row. Of course the internet provides both grim reality stories, and hope stories. The best thing would be for me to just not think about it. But how could I possibly do that? Every little twinge, cramp, and other out of the ordinary thing, puts me in high alert. I can't even go to the bathroom without getting stressed about what I might find.

The best thing for me emotionally, is the accept that this pregnancy will end in the near future. That way, if by some miracle it doesn't, it will be much easier to handle, than if I do the opposite. Also, I found this article:

"The embryonic heart rate at 6-7 weeks can tell a lot about the likely outcome of a pregnancy. At 6.2 weeks, assuming a CRL of around 4 mm, a heart rate of 100 beats per minute (BPM) is good. Below 80 BPM, the embryo "almost never makes it to the second trimester," he said. In the 80- to 89-BPM range, the likelihood of first-trimester survival increases to 36%. In the range of 90-99 BPM, the odds are 68%.

"If the heart rate is slow, the probability of loss will be very high, but you never know," Dr. Doubilet said. "Have the patient come back in a week. Odds are, the embryo will be dead and you can evacuate the uterus, rather than having a spontaneous abortion happen while your patient is at the shopping mall."

It doesn't get much grimmer than that....


Nancy Sabina said...

I am so, so sorry to hear this, Jessica. Probably nothing anybody can say is very comforting right now. I am praying that everything will be alright for you. I am so, so sorry.

angela michelle said...

I very much dislike that shopping mall comment. I had a dr who had the attitude of "come in next week so I can tell you the baby is gone and do a D&C." That was Jesse, who turned out just fine. I eventually just quit going to that dr.

Anyway Jessica, I know exactly what you mean about worrying about each twinge and trip to the bathroom. So sad. I'm so sorry. Wishing for the best.

Maddy S said...

SO sorry to hear this. I really hope they got it all wrong. I have to say though when I was about 8 weeks I started bleeding heavily and I immediately thought I miscarried. We went to the dr., had an ultrasound and turns out I hadn't miscarried and I was 6 weeks along instead of 8 and just like you for the life of me couldn't figure out how that could've been. I just want you to keep up hope. Prayers are with you.

angela michelle said...

GReat comments from loving friends and family. You know it is in the Lord's hands. You are doing all you can and we will keep you in our prayers. This is a really hard time for you, I know, and wish I could give you a big hug!!

angela michelle said...

That last one was Mom Liz on Angela's computer.

Clyde said...

Keep the faith, Jessica! Everything will be fine and soon enough you'll have another cute baby to cuddle with!

kashurst said...

I'm so sorry. Everything I seem to type seems trite. But we all love you. And so does your Heavenly Father. He understands. No matter what. Just keep swimming, as Dory says.

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