Confusing

I don't want to do this again! Yesterday I went for my 8 week ultrasound. As soon as the tech lady looked at the uterus, she asked whether I was sure about my timing. The fetus was measuring 6 weeks, even though I am 8 weeks + a few days. Also, the heartbeat seemed VERY slow for a fetus. Almost as slow as my own heartbeat. The only 2 options are:

1. My dates are off, and I really am 6 weeks pregnant. This doesn't make sense since I got a positive pregnancy test almost 4 weeks ago. That means I would have gotten a BFP 3 days after conception.

2. Something is wrong with the baby, and it's developing slower than it should.

The hardest thing for me is the not knowing, and the waiting. I'd rather know for sure that this will be a miscarriage, so I can mentally prepare. Instead, I have to wait 2 weeks for another ultrasound, and then it will become clear which option is happening. The hard part is, that I am likely to get my hopes up, just to have them dashed later.

What is wrong with me? I never had problems carrying babies to term. I had 3 normal pregnancies, with 3 babies. Now this is the second problematic pregnancy in a row. Of course the internet provides both grim reality stories, and hope stories. The best thing would be for me to just not think about it. But how could I possibly do that? Every little twinge, cramp, and other out of the ordinary thing, puts me in high alert. I can't even go to the bathroom without getting stressed about what I might find.

The best thing for me emotionally, is the accept that this pregnancy will end in the near future. That way, if by some miracle it doesn't, it will be much easier to handle, than if I do the opposite. Also, I found this article:

"The embryonic heart rate at 6-7 weeks can tell a lot about the likely outcome of a pregnancy. At 6.2 weeks, assuming a CRL of around 4 mm, a heart rate of 100 beats per minute (BPM) is good. Below 80 BPM, the embryo "almost never makes it to the second trimester," he said. In the 80- to 89-BPM range, the likelihood of first-trimester survival increases to 36%. In the range of 90-99 BPM, the odds are 68%.

"If the heart rate is slow, the probability of loss will be very high, but you never know," Dr. Doubilet said. "Have the patient come back in a week. Odds are, the embryo will be dead and you can evacuate the uterus, rather than having a spontaneous abortion happen while your patient is at the shopping mall."

It doesn't get much grimmer than that....