6W4D

This morning at work I started watching videos of ultrasounds. Mostly to know what to expect to be normal at my first ultrasound next week. I'm trying not to stress about all the things that could go wrong, but I just can't help comparing this pregnancy to the last 2 that ended in miscarriages. With my first miscarriage the first signs of trouble started at 5 weeks. The last time, I didn't have any signs until 7W4 days. So here I am at 6W4D, and all I can think of, is that I should still not think of myself as pregnant. And I don't. I'm not fantasizing about what this baby might be, or look like. Or even really think about being pregnant at all. Actually, writing this blog is making me think more about it than I have so far, and than I really want to. I'm not sure I even want to have an ultrasound next week. I'd rather wait until 12 weeks. I don't want to see a heartbeat, to then just be crushed when it dies a week, or 4 later.

But the truth is, everything is normal so far. I am always crazy tired. If I don't get to bed by 10:30pm, I might make it until after work, but then definitely HAVE to take a nap as soon as I get home. I also have other symptoms like sore breasts, gassiness, constipation, and occasional heartburn. These symptoms, although inconvenient, make me happy. It means my body is still working on growing a baby. I'm not worried until they stop.